Junk Food Alchemy: The Weird and Wonderful World of The Sugar Buzz

There are many studies out there theorising that sugar has the same effect on a person’s brain that drugs do, with both of them potentially leading to serious physical addiction. And just like some junkie stoner who one day decided to combine pot and speed to make a snow cone, so too have some of our favourite candy producers taken to flavour experimentation. Sometimes they get it so wrong that it makes me grateful that us Aussies like to stick with what we know and love. Other times they get it so right that even though I think god is the greatest fictional character since Harry Potter, I’d start believing in him if it meant he would bring some of these sweet confections to our shores.


SKITTLES
ORIGINAL NUM
Original Fruity Skittles
Grape, Lemon, Green Apple, Strawberry and Orange

Prepare for gum rape.

SPINOFF WINNERS
Tropical Skittles

Banana Berry, Kiwi Lime, Mango Tangelo, Pineapple Passion and Strawberry Starfruit

Like a Fijian holiday for your mouth.

Smoothie Mix Skittles

Lemon Berry, Mixed Berry, Orange Mango, Peach Pear and Strawberry Banana

Kicks a Boost Juice’s arse any day of the week.

Carnival Skittles
Bubble Gum, Candy Apple, Cotton Candy, Red Liquorice and Green Slushy

All the fun of a carnival, without the scary clowns or sleezey carnies.

Skittles Unlimited

Bubble Gum, Fairy Floss, Jam Doughnut, Popcorn and Toffee Apple

These are the flavours people are willing to murder for.

NOT SO MUCH
Chocolate Mix Skittles

Chocolate Caramel, Brownie Batter, Chocolate Pudding, S’mores and Vanilla

I thought there would never be a time in my life when I wouldn’t want to eat chocolate. Skittles proved me wrong.

Double Sour Skittles

Green Apple, Lemon, Blue Raspberry, Strawberry and Watermelon

Once you’ve finished cutting your gums to fuck, you can then burn the hell out of them with intense citric acid.

Liquorice Skittles

Black Liquorice, Liquorice Aniseed, Liquorice Mint, Liquorice Spice and Liquorice Vanilla

I refuse to believe anyone in this world likes liquorice flavour, let alone in Skittles form.

ADULTS ONLY
Skittles Vodka

I wonder if it tastes like a rainbow on the way out as well....?

M&Ms
ORIGINAL NUM
Milk Chocolate M&M’s

Milk chocolate in a coloured candy shell

The blues ones can be a real bitch.

SPINOFF WINNERS
Crispy M&M’s

Milk chocolate with a biscuit centre

For those times when your arse just isn’t spreading quick enough.

Peanut M&M’s

Milk chocolate with a peanut centre

Probably not much fun for those of you with allergies.

NOT SO MUCH
Strawberry Peanut Butter M&M’s

Milk chocolate, peanut butter and strawberry combined into a sinful mess

There really is no excuse for this one, even if it is promoting Transformer II.

Coconut M&M’s

Milk chocolate mixed with a coconut flavour

Bountys are one of the worst chocolate bars I’ve ever eaten, so I can only imagine how bad these things taste.

Razzberry M&M’s

Milk chocolate mixed with a raspberry flavour

I wonder why these were a limited edition only….?

ADULTS ONLY
M&M Shooter

Crème de Cacao plus Frangelico makes for shit-facing deliciousness.

COCA COLA

ORIGINAL NUM

Coca Cola Classic

The one we all know and love

Voted third most likely beverage to fuck your shit up (after paint stripper and toilet cleaner).

SPINOFF WINNERS
Coca Cola Light Lemon

Classic Coke with a hint of lemon

Now with double the acid wear!

Cherry Coke

Classic Coke with a hint of cherry

Expected to taste like Dr Pepper’s even dirtier, fouler-tasting cousin but was actually very delish.

NOT SO MUCH

Coca Cola With Lime

Classic Coke with a hint of lime

Lemon sounded nice, lime just sounds like the coke version of spew.

Diet Coke

Classic Coke without the taste

Better options to Diet Coke – water, bleach and animal piss.

Vanilla Coke

Classic Coke with a hint if vanilla

I drank this by mistake once. My taste buds still haven't forgiven me….

Coca Cola With Orange

Classic Coke with a hint of orange

Time to give up on the citrus fruits people!

ADULTS ONLY
Vanilla Coke Cocktail

If you don’t hate yourself enough after drinking Vanilla Coke, try adding booze to it.