If Trust is a Commodity, These Guys Just Raped Your Stock Exchange

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An Ode to MJ - Part II: From Leon Keposky to E.Casanova

We have seen several incarnations of Michael Jackson throughout the years; from precocious child to silky smooth performer, an iconic and untouchable emperor to a frail and fragile middle aged man. Many controversies dogged him through the years - each of us no doubt knows one or two crazy stories about “Wacko Jacko” and his beyond ordinary life. But there are some things still hidden in the deep recesses of the interwebs that might surprise you to learn. So, in memory of the King himself, let’s find out how much Pepsi paid for nearly burning his face off, and how much a library with some extensive overdue fees actually thought his autograph was worth…..

Pepsi has always been well known for using popular celebrities in their advertising campaigns and Michael Jackson was one of the biggest stars on their payroll. It was during the filming of one of their commercials in 1984 that pyrotechnics accidently set fire to his hair, causing second degree burns to his scalp. Jackson was given a $1.5 million settlement from Pepsi, which he then donated to the Brotman Medical Centre in Culver City, whom had treated him for his injuries. They now have the “Michael Jackson Burn Centre” named in his honor.

In 1980, Jackson secured the highest royalty rate ever recorded in the music industry. 37% of wholesale album profit went his way, which worked out to be about $2 per album. Not bad when you consider that Thriller alone sold over 100 million copies worldwide.

Although they were actually discovered after auditioning for Motown Records founder Berry Gordy, The Jackson Five were first introduced to the American public as being “discovered” by Diana Ross in order to add to their appeal and to also provide more publicity for Ross, who was also signed with Motown at the time. When press kits were sent out to promote the brothers, many of their ages were changed so as to appear younger and Michael was said to have been eight instead of his actual age of eleven.

To celebrate his life and career, Time magazine rushed a commemorative edition of the magazine with Michael on the cover following his death. The last time they published a special edition in between weekly issues was in the days following September 11.

Jackson was the master and innovator when it came to the art of the video clip – “Smooth Criminal” being one of his most famous. In the clip, or short film as it actually is, Michael and his backup dancers perform an anti-gravity lean, one of those signature moves that he was so well known for. The cool move was created using harnesses and rigging, but when it came to performing it during the live stage show, more inconspicuous effects were required. It was with this purpose in mind that Jackson created, and patented, the anti-gravity shoe under U.S. Patent No. 5,255,452, which allowed dancers to lean further forward than their centre of gravity naturally allows. The prop was later used by the dance troupe Diversity on the third serious of Britain’s Got Talent.

In 1984, a U.S. library accused Jackson of owing it over $1 million in overdue book fines. Officials said they would scrap the fines if he returned the books autographed.

An obsessed fan committed suicide in 1984 after his mother refused to allow him to undergo surgery to look like the star. It is also speculated that up to twelve suicides committed by heart broken followers have occurred since his death.

Not only did he appear as himself on the 1973 cover of Marvel’s “Spoof” Comic along side the rest of The Jackson Five and, of all people, Richard Nixon (!), he was also a big fan of comic books and the characters that spawned from them. In amongst his huge collection of movie and cartoon memorabilia are many comic book character items, including; a signed photo of Christopher Reeve as Superman, several Marvel Comics character statuettes, and even a life-size figure of himself dressed in a custom made Batman suit.

For further evidence that he was more than just a regular comic book fan, Michael was also this close to purchasing Marvel Comics after meeting with Stan Lee to discuss the possibility of such a transaction. Needless to say, the deal didn’t go down, but that would have no doubt added another feather to his all ready crowded money-making hat.

The Jackson Five's number one hits “ABC” and “I Want You Back” are among The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s 500 songs that shaped rock and roll.

There were rumors floating around that Michael planned on being preserved for all time after his death by undergoing the process of Plastination, a form of human preservation developed by Dr Gunther von Hagens. While it was later revealed by a Body Works spokesperson that Michael was not registered to undergo such treatment, his beloved pet chimpanzee Bubbles did in fact receive Plasination and is now on display in Dr Hagens’ “The Body Worlds and Mirror of Time” exhibition.

His nickname may be “the King of Pop”, but in 1992 Michael also became a real king. He was given the royal title by the villagers in Gabon, Ivory Coast in West Africa.

In the summer of 1976, CBS television signed the Jackson family – Michael, Marlon, Tito, Jackie, Randy, Rebbie, LaToya and Janet – to appear on their own variety show. It was the first variety show to be hosted by an African American family on television. Michael went on the break more ground for African Americans by being the first black artist to appear on MTV, in his Billie Jean video clip.

Both The Jackson Five and Michael as a solo artist have Hollywood Walk of Fame stars. Michael’s was used as a makeshift shrine after news of his death had spread.

Michael’s first facial surgery was actually not cosmetic. In 1979, he broke his nose while rehearsing a difficult dance move. The subsequent surgery to fix the break caused him breathing difficulties, leading to a second surgery to rectify the problem. Why it was necessary for the surgeon to give him a white man’s nose is anyone’s guess.

In a scene from Back to the Future II, Marty McFly has to rendezvous with Griff in order to stop his future son being sent to jail. Among the futuristic details of the film’s version of the year 2015, the counter attendants are actually famous icons of the past, including Ronald Regan and of course Michael Jackson, which shouldn’t come as a surprise seeing as though the movie was made in 1989, a time when Michael was a huge, HUGE star. The actual surprise is that it wasn’t Michael at all, but eerie similar tribute artist E.Casanova Evans, who is considered the world’s greatest tribute act and still performs as Michael to this day.

MC Hammer once challenged Jackson to a dance-off. Jackson reportedly responded, "I've seen your videos and every single dance move you use, you got off of me”.

Michael broke two Guinness World Records during his Bad World Tour, firstly for largest attendance in history – four million people world wide in total – and secondly for the biggest grossing tour of all time, raking in an amount of $125 million.

In 1974, The Jackson Five disco-style song “Dancing Machine” was released as a single. The group performed the song on several television shows, including The Merv Griffin show. It was during the performance of the track that the brothers popularised the “robot” dance move, spawning generations of imitators.

Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State Anthem “South Carolina on My Mind”, recorded by Hank Martin and Buzz Arledge.

In The Simspons episode entitled “Stark Raving Dad”, Homer is committed to a mental institution where his room mate is Leon Keposky, an overweight white guy who believes he is Michael Jackson. He visits the Simpson’s home once he is released from the institution and even helps Bart write a song for Lisa’s birthday. For twelve years the voice actor credited for Jackson’s speaking part was John Jay Smith, but in 2003 it was revealed by Matt Groening that the voice was actually provided by Michael Jackson himself. Strangely though, the singing parts were actually provided by voice actor Kipp Lennon. A huge Simpson fan, Jackson wrote “Happy Birthday Lisa” as well as “Do The Bartman”, but was never credited for the song.

Probably the most scandalous fact of this whole article is the detail that emerged during Jackson's 2003 molestation trial. It was revealed that he had remained a virgin until he was 32 years old.

An Ode to MJ - Part I: The Man, The Madness, The Merchandise

He was a legend of epic proportions who changed the face of music forever. He was enigma, a riddle wrapped in a mystery with a façade of bat shit crazy and the centre of a child that never was. His career spanned fifty years – joining his brothers Jackie, Tito, Jermaine and Marlon to form The Jackson Five at the tender age of just four years old. We have watched him grow from the charismatic young kid with the cheeky smile and the smooth moves, to a larger-than-life caricature of himself as Michael Jackson; The Business Empire.

By the time I was born in 1983, he had already achieved super star status, having reached number one on the charts eight times, first with The Jackson Five (“I Want You Back”, “ABC”, “The Love You Save” and “I’ll Be There”), then as a solo artist (“Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough”, “Rock With You”, “Billie Jean” and “Beat It”). He was 25 at the time.

Not unlike most popular icons, his face and/or name graces numerous pieces of merchandise and memorabilia. As you would expect, items such as t-shirts, posters, DVDs, books and even mobile phone ring tones exist in his honor. But as a result of being such a legendary mega star of the 20th century, he is also associated with some pretty obscure product placements. After scouring the internet, I have reported on what I will assume is just a handful of wacked out Michael Jackson products. And I am sure many more folks will be cashing in with wackier, borderline inappropriate junk now that he has passed, because nothing cements your status as a music icon than your face emblazoned on the bottom of a commemorative ashtray.

ANDY WARHOL "POP" T-SHIRT

When Andy Warhol created the famous screen printed image of Marilyn Monroe it was done so with the intent of celebrating the iconic status of her celebrity, so it only makes sense that Michael would eventually be given the same treatment, this time by Bao Studios. The fact that they superimposed his face over Marilyn's, however, is just fucking creepy.

So unnecessarily terrifying…..

RIGHT ON! MAGAZINE
Along with the many other forms of Jackson Five merchandise - including stickers, sewable patches, posters and colouring books - Right On! was a teen magazine aimed at African-American youth which started publication in 1971 and had at least one Jackson adorn the front cover between the years of 1972 and 1974.

The magazine cover version of an 80's power ballad.

AM RADIO
Smooth listening, Michael Jackson style!

The funny quirk about an AM radio being marketed under Jackson's name was that by the 80's, it was common, just as it is today, to find popular music on the FM frequency, thus making the radio redundant for anyone who actually was hoping to listen to some Michael Jackson hits.


POGS
You ain't nobody until your face is on the most useless piece of plastic ever invented.

Pointless, yet it seemed so important to collect them all as a child.

NESTING DOLLS
If the regular Michael Jackson dolls are too boring for your, shall we say "eccentric" tastes, how about some King of Pop Russian nesting dolls?

Yeah, because these aren't weird at all....

JACKSON FIVE BOARD GAME
This actually looks like it could be a super fun game, epecially considering the awesomely retro packaging.

Nothing says non-threatening black family like the animated version of them.

POSTAGE STAMPS
In 1986, the British Virgin Islands announced that they would be releasing postage stamps featuring Jackson. After a few hundred sets had already been printed, the production was halted and the release cancelled after it was discovered that regulations stated that stamps of the British Virgin Islands must only bear the likeness of members of the Royal Family. The Caribbean Island of St. Vincent later issued stamps of their own featuring the King of Pop.

I’m sure if he had really wanted that Virgin Islands stamp, he could have bought the fucking place and made himself king.

Michael Jackson stamps have also been released in the West Indies, Guinea-Bissau (a small country on the west coast of Africa) and Tanzania (as part of their Black Entertainers Collection).


GLITTER GLOVES
To celebrate Jackson’s famed rhinestone glove, “Glitter Glove” was released onto the market in 1984. Each pack contained a piece of bubble gum and two glitter glove stickers. The packaging even exclaims, “over 60 glittering stickers to collect!”, no doubt in the hope that the collectable selling point, plus Michael Jackson’s name, would equal promotional goldmine.

And you thought Pokemon was an overexploited fad.

PEPSI
Madonna, Pink, Britney and Beyonce have all done it - promoted Pepsi that is. And in 1984, The Jackson Five – or The Jacksons, as they were then known – coupled with Pepsi to promote their World Tour. The can is free from the Pepsi logo (though it maintains the famous red and blue colouring) and features autographs from the five band members, including of course, Michael.

Jackson also partnered with Pepsi as a solo artist, starring in several advertisements at the height of his fame. Pepsi even produced a prototype Michael Jackson collector glass for a promotion that never took off. It features Jackson’s picture on one side and the Pepsi logo on the other. It is thought that there is only one of these glasses in existence.


JACKO JUICE
Not to be confused with Jesus Juice, this is the sauce for the gourmand that likes a bit of celebrity on their steak.

Note: this product is free from preservatives, sweetners and any trace of actual Michael Jackson.

FRAGRANCES
We all know that you aren’t a real celebrity unless you launch your own perfume. Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani and Paris Hilton are just a few of the famous names put to good use flogging fragrances. But did you know that Jackson planned on doing the same thing all the way back in 1989?

Smells like chocolate, vanilla and a sense of confused racial identity.

Gem Perfumes was all set to cash in on the King of Pop’s famous (pre-surgery) face, but unfortunately it was not to be. After working with famous perfumer, Jon Pierre Sand, to create a signature Eau de Toilette, the launch was eventually cancelled after the death of the licensee, Victor Chiam. You can pick up a bottle of the incredibly rare ladies Mystique de Michael Jackson or men’s Legende de Michael Jackson for prices upward of $600.


AIR FRESHNER
If perfume is not your thing, how about a circa 1984 Michael Jackson Thriller Glove Air Freshener for your car….?

Notorious for random crotch grabbing and pointing dramatically into the air.

VIDEO GAME
In 1988, the film Moonwalker was released. Starring Jackson, it was a montage of short films featuring the star, several of which were extended music videos. The most notable of these videos is that for Smooth Criminal, in which Jackson plays a magical gangster trying to save the children of a large city from an evil drug tycoon.

This man will save us all!

The movie lead to the release of Sega’s Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker game, in which the protagonist must save several kidnapped children.

With time and years past, who new the plot line would turn out to be so awkward.

While there were several incarnations of the game – both arcade and console – in each one Jackson was able to use a form of “dance magic”, which would force his enemies to dance to the music of various Michael Jackson hits from the Bad or Thriller albums.


CHOCOLATE
Circa 1993, Michael Jackson Premium Swiss Milk Chocolate Bar was made available, featuring packaging similar to that of the Moonwalker movie poster.

That’s milk chocolate, not white.

People were picking them up at the dollar store for a cheap bargain, but I suspect that if anyone still owns one, the value might be due to increase just a little.


TRADING CARDS
It is rare in this day and age for trading cards to be produced that feature an individual – it is usually a team or a famous franchise, such as Pokemon, that kids plough their money into collecting. In the 80’s, however, it was not uncommon for manufacturers to create trading card sets based around celebrities and Michael Jackson was no exception. In 1984, Topps released a set featuring 36 collectable cards, with a second set produced the following year.

You know you’ve made it to super star status when kids are spending their measly pocket money on a bunch of cards that are all basically the same.

DRESS UP SET
The Michael Jackson Dress Up set featured a plastic stand-up figure of Jackson, as well as plastic “outfits” that stuck on magnetically. These were produced in the early 80’s and now sell for about $150 on today’s market.

The only rule of the game? Make sure he STAYS dressed at all times….

MICHAEL’S PETS
In 1986, a line called Michael’s Pets was released, but not long after was withdrawn from the market, turning them into extremely rare collector’s items. The stuffed creatures were based on actual animals kept in his Neverland Ranch and included Cool Bear, Jabba the Giraffe and Uncle Tootie the Frog.

Now you can collect animals with the same wanton disregard as MJ did!

MOONWALKER “HEAD”
This animated head was a custom made robotic special effect used in the scene of Moonwalker in which Michael transforms into a robot to defeat the evil drug-dealing character, played by Joe Pesci. The entire unit can be plugged in and animates at the push of a button.

And you thought nothing could be creepier than the real Michael Jackson....

CALIFORNIA RAISINS
California Raisins is an American company that used Claymation raisin characters in their advertisements, who would perform Marvin Gaye’s classic “I Heard It Through the Grape Vine”. Cashing in on his popularity in the late 80’s, they created a Michael Jackson California Raisin to feature in their advertisements. The figurine was also made available and is now a very valuable collectable.

That's right - this shit is worth money.

JACKSON FIVE CARTOON
The animated series ran for a couple of years, starting in 1971. Along side the brothers, it also starred two dancing mice named Ray and Charles. It was re-released in the 80’s at the height of Thriller madness, with the ABC TV station no doubt hoping they could cash in on Michael’s solo fame.

HANDS
Through his estate sale held by Julien's Auctions, you can snag yourself a life-cast of Jackson’s forearms and hands. One hand is painted silver, the other is flesh toned and features his signatures white-taped fingertips.

Is it weird that disembodied hands aren't the creepiest thing on this list?

If a pair of Michael's hands encased in plexiglass are too precious for your tastes, perhaps a shaped rubber hand would be more to your liking?

That's right, just a hand.

WAX FIGURES
When I said the lifeless hands weren't the creepiest things on the list, it's because I hadn't shown you these beauties yet.

Although there are five wax figures of Michael in various Madame Tussauds around the world, you can also be a proud owner of one of your own. Yet another gem of Jackson's estate sale, these four life-size wax statues of the King himself, which are not at all creepy in any way, appear amongst the catalogues items.

SHOWER CURTAIN
These shower curtains, which are actually one-of-a-kind handpainted artworks, have to be the most awesome item out of all of them and I would gladly pay good money for one of my own, especially this one....

Just absolute epic awesomeness.

There are four designs available, all of which would make a very cool addition to that grotty rental bathroom.